Well, lets start this off right...

I decided to relaunch my blog.

yay!

I know, right?

I figured the masses of people on the internet did not need to read about the stupid bullcrap between me and a certain individual anymore. OH, and all the self loathing, self centered , woe-is-me posting is gone as well!

ITS A WHOLE NEW BLOG.

now with 30% more *bleeargh*

OH, and drawing and illustrations now.

End of Line

News

So, lately things have been looking up!

I am sad to say that the other situation did not pan out quite that well. A bill for $4800 dollars and an overnight stay in the hospital was the tipping point for a certain mentally unstable individual. I suddenly became the worst person on the face of the planet.

I am sorry you are crazy.

Get over yourself.

I am also proud to say that I am trying to write a screenplay. It is more so for my own letting go process than anything. When you've been through trauma for so long, you need a catharsis.

Moving on...

I have reconnected with someone whom I attended high school with. She is currently studying to be a cosmetologist. Wanna know a secret? *I had a crush on her ALL through the time I knew her.* I never told her though, mostly because she was dating my best friend. The years have gone by, however. She was single, so I snatched her up!

isnt she the cutest? I think it was the monocle.

And since I have not used my optimism in the past, its time to turn a new leaf.

Here are 10 reasons why I consider this an upgrade to my life

1. I smile almost everyday, and have a lot more fun.
2. She is 5 10. No more crouching for kisses.
3. No felonies, Children, drug habits, or horribly mysterious past.
4. Honesty and trust.
5. She likes turtles too.
6. Pedicures. Nuff said.
7. Cuddling is a must.
8. *insert awesome naughty stuff here*
9. My parents like her
10. Im dating my high school crush.

Anyways... I think im gonna keep posting, especially since i start college again soon. It has been 3 years since ive gone to school. It feels weird being back in the college swing of things. But i like this swing, And the swingset. It is actually a swing that could get me somewhere. Im tired of going back and forth on the same rusty chains.

Thoughts, part II

More events of recent times. I went back to the apartment that i am currently trying to move out of. My ex was there, and was perturbed to see me coming to get my stuff, saying snarky remarks here and there, throwing attitude about. I took my stuff and left, apologizing for what i had become as i shut the door. What i didnt realize was how distraught she slowly became during the process of me moving a few of my things out. She began to cry, and beg. For me back. After all of the things i had done. I went to work, and when i got out, i got a call from her. She had obviously been out drinking, because she was drowning in tears begging me to come back, and to be with her. I literally couldn't understand her through the sobs. When i told her i had to go, she said <*Fine, Ill go die now>... Weird huh? Even weirder thing is 20 mins later i get a text from her that says <*mass text* BYE>. I called her, thinking the worst. Yeah, it was happening. she had taken most of a bottle of Tylenol pm. i started to rush over there, but later discovered it wasn't a mass text at all, just sent to me. Oh, and she had thrown up most of the pills whilst on the phone with me. I turned the car around, and went back to where i am currently staying and phoned the authorities. She texted me after i told her that i had alerted the authorities saying <*Thx, in the hospital, no insurance*> Wow. All i can say is wow. How do i turn out to be the asshole when someone becomes so psychologically disturbed that they threaten to kill themselves when a relationship ends. I Cant deal with that kind of stress. begging me to come back, saying things will be different. thats what was said the last 10 times. They wont be different. Im detached. Yes, Ill go feed the dog whilst you are under suicide watch. Yes, I wont touch anything. NO, I will not come over to just talk after youve been drinking and just threw up half a bottle of tylenol pm, crying to me about how youre lonely when weve been apart 2 days. Im not an asshole, but i will not enable this situation any further.


TL;DR BAWWW Attempted suicide got ex girlfriend a hospital stay, Im the bad guy.

Thoughts, part UN

I know you dont read this. I know no one probably ever will. This is for me. My Catharsis. Insecurity. Thats all I am. A giant ball if insecure. But in the when and now of today, where can you be secure. So many crazy people. SO many patterns. I follow the same pattern every time. I cant fix everyone. Or anyone. Im not a soul repairman. The best i do is put a band aid on it. Im broken myself. I need to secure my own stiches before i can tend to anyone elses wounds. Woah. too much bullshit wordplay. too many periods for that matter. Ive given life my all right now, and it seems like everything is falling apart. I have myself stuck in a job i hate, making minimum wage, barely scraping by, depressed. I can hardly work up the smile anymore to fake that i actually like the place im at in my life. I should have stayed in school. i could be making 100k a year by now. instead i make 11. I will finish tomorrrow.

Job

I hate my fucking job. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. I'm sorry to use my language in such a way as that, but there is no other way to put it. I worked 3 years to get an associates degree, and i end up getting talked down to by a girl that doesn't even know what aa quadratic equation IS, let alone having the Sine cosine and tangent memorized for 30 45 and 60 degreee angles. I can't sleep. I hate this job so much i can't sleep. I'm not you fucking dog, so don't orgder me around lie one, or snap your fingers at me. The next person to talk to me like a dog is gatting a fistful of justice, and by justice i mean my fist.

Sleep Paralasys

Me and Jen ( my new girlfriend) went Inflataboating today. Inflataboating,for those of you who don't know is when you take a large amount of alcohol, a tiny amount of sunscreen, and a rather small 10$ inflatable boat from your local K-Mart, and decide to sit out on a lake until you are
A) Burned.
B) Drunk.

Both happened in rather quick succession, considering my pasty complexion and the angle of the sun. and being extremely B leads to a LOT of A. So we got off the lake fairly quickly and went to Captain Luey's for dinner.

Captain Luey's is a calabash/seafood restaurant in Battle Creek, MI. I can tell you right now that if you like seafood, this will be your restaurant. Being fairly buzzed when i walked in, we just sat at a table and ordered some waters. The waiter brought us some hush puppies, which as you can tell by my review so far, were DIVINE. Or at least as divine as a hush puppy could be. After those had soaked up the alcohol, we ordered the fried okra for our appetizer and the Catfish and Shrimp combo. Jen ordered the Pollack and Shrimp Combo for her entree

When the okra came out i noticed something extremely different. It was FRESH. The okra was fresh, and hand battered. There's a certain "clean" taste that comes with fresh ingredients, and that shone through on almost every facet of this meal. There was no Pre-battered frozen "set it and forget it" bullshit with this meal at all.

The catfish was flaky, and moist. The batter was a perfect blend of salt pepper and a touch of garlic. IT worked wonderfully with the flavor of the catfish, and did pretty good justice to the shrimp. The batter was flaky as well, and none too overpowering.

Jen's meal was just as good too. She had the garlic mashed potatoes with her pollack, and they were fresh, whipped with a light garlic butter. I can tell this because Working at (REDACTED) we go through a lot of garlic mash, and it's all (REDACTED)

GO EAT THERE.

Long story short, ALOE. WATER. Painkiller. Then I wake up all of a sudden in te middle of the night, and I feel something weird. I try to move my legs, but my toes won't even wiggle. My arms won't move. I try to breathe, and my breath only stays in the simple pattern that it's currently allowing me. I try to wiggle my shoulders, but i feel a weight press down on my chest, this crushing weight is straddling my chest, and holding my arms, I can feel it's knees pressing in the bed, it's breath on my neck. Then, as if scared away, the weight lifts. The icy fingers slide off my hand, the crushing weight subsides from my chest, and my breath, which i was able to make a couple subtle squeaks out of, comes in ragged gasps, racking my body. My mind is FREAKING OUT. What in the name of everything unholy was that.

Sleep Paralysis.

When your mind wakes up from REM sleep and your body doesn't. You're awake, but unable to move. because your body is still dreaming, you have lucid hallucinations. Sleep paralysis is often associated with alien abductions and ghostly visits.

I'll say. It felt like a ghostly visit allright. Jeebus Christo.
I hope everyone experiences that once in their life.

YAY

Death in the family

The neckbeard is dead.


I tried to get a job.