So, this morning I had a drug test for the new job. I strolled into the office thinking i was gonna ace the test.
|Fuck yeah, Drug test. No problem|
I had the utmost confidence in myself. I was ready to go. I had drank a TON of water. Literally a metric TON. The lady handed me the cup, and led me to the facilities. This is where the epic battle begins.
I stood there with little plastic cup in my hand, nothing to worry about. I dont do any drugs, my bladders is full. Lets do this. I whip out, and prepare to unleash the motherfucking fury on this drug test. But i hear a noise outside of the door, and my bladder suddenly goes FUCK NO DUDE. PEOPLE CAN HEAR.
|Are you serious?|
I look down and give my man The Look.
ME:Are you serious right now?
DUDEJUNK: Yeah. Totally serious. Someone can hear us
ME: Dude, just do it. We have nothing to worry about.
DUDEJUNK: I know we dont, but she can hear us,
ME: JUST DO IT!
Dudejunk Decided to be an asshole. He sat there. Not a damn drop. SO i decided to start negotiating. I tried bargaining, but nothing was working. Then i remembered a nugget of information someone had told me a while back, about how when you poo, the poo pushes a little on your bladder, maybe thats all i needed to start the flow. I did that, and NOTHING.
SO now, i have a lady waiting outside, waiting for a cup of my urine, and Im sitting on the now full toilet, empty cup in my hand, full bladder, and shy dudejunk. I stand back up and readjust my situation.
Dudejunk decided it still was not gonna happen. So i decided to go for broke.
Time to push.
So I did.
Dudejunk was angry too, and fought back!
But i somehow came out on top, and pushed just enough out to make the test.
Now if you excuse me, the traitor has to relieve himself.